Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Tarnished Line

Wordle#58-Sunday Whirl-05-27-2012 
A Tarnished Line  by Teri H Hoover


Within the quiet cocoon
drenched in transparent promises 
to create a burnished heart.

Within the austere cocoon
unhindered by emotional barnacles
it is easy to still the tongue.

Within the brittle cocoon
a blur between leaving and clinging,
emerging to newborn dissatisfaction.

Without the rough cocoon-
exposed.
Flinty chalk will scrape across the skin,

The first of many lines.





 The words this week from Brenda's Sunday Whirl- 
scrape, tongue, brittle, austere, barnacles, drenched, chalk, flinty, blur, burnished, cocoon, rough

36 comments:

  1. These are my favorite lines:

    Within the brittle cocoon
    a blur between leaving and clinging,

    as they fit so many situations. There is the desire to leave fighting with the desire to stay. I have 'been there' many times!

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    1. Mary- I tend to leave my poems standing on the edge quite a bit. I tend to write from a place of seeing both sides. I guess like you I have been there a lot.

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  2. Teri~ I like the repitition and progression of the cocoon... the profound and vivid ending, too.

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    1. Laurie - the ending is my favorite part. Looking back I see could not settle on one characteristic for cocoon.

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  3. Wow! The use of "cocoon" in each stanza is wonderful; the different adjectives emphasize the metamorphosis of the one inside it. Terrific poem.

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    1. Thank you Traci- as I just said to Laurie, it is in hindsight that I realize I could not settle on one characteristic for cocoon. Repetition allowed me to create a place that one eventually leaves.

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  4. The last line is exquisite, Teri. It frosts the poem like a perfect cocoon cake. :) I'm with Laurie, the repetition of cocoon is inspirted.

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    1. Brenda- that last line just fell into place. I was quite happy with it.

      I am glad we do not have snow !

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  5. A beautiful, deep poem. The repetition gives it an almost prayer-like quality.

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    1. Libby- thank you for your insight. I think you are right.

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  6. like the flow and stages of this. 'emerging to newborn dissatisfaction' ouch

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    1. Mark- I was trying to show that a cocoon while safe is not static. And the even emerging is not always easy. Thanks for being here.

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  7. While you have deliciously repeated the word cocoon I only used it once! But then I did use all the rest twice :)
    You can find it here:
    http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/05/lasting-last-laughs-sunday-whirl-58.html

    I liked the last line very much, since a cocoon is either many lines or perhaps all one continuous line - very well wordled!

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    1. Jules- Ah another great insight,a cocoon as many lines or continuous line. I could go off in whole new direction. Now I see why your writing is so alive!

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  8. Yes, the repetition of "cocoon" is perfect. Nicely done, Teri.

    Pamela

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    1. Pamela- Sending you a cocoon of "chalk circles". Thanks for stopping by.

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  9. What a profoundly simple poem; at first glance it doesn't seem as subtly nuanced as it really is but it demanded more than one reading - I think, like everyone else,it was the repetitive use of cocoon that drew me in and re-reading revealed layers and depths I didn't notice first time around ... culminating in that absolutely perfect final line. Well done.

    http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.ca/2012/05/reminiscing-before-selling-family-home.html

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    1. Sharon, I am fond of layers within art work as well as writing. I hope to continue to expand the use layers in my writing.So much to learn. I did especially like that last line. Thank-you.

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  10. "The first of many lines"... rather cleverly stands at the end, thus making this fine poem transcendent, making one wonder about the lines to follow... I like the variety of cocoons in each stanza, it's amazing you've found and exploited so many aspects of the same object.
    Best, M.

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    1. Mariya - Now I am wondering about the lines to follow. Thanks so much for stopping by.

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  11. Brilliant idea - the various cocoons - and so well executed as well. I had to read it twice. We all emerge from different cocoons - and you've honored that here. And that last line - so much potential - and ambiguity. It leaves me wondering what that first line will be - quiet, austere, brittle, or rough.

    Richard

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    1. Richard- thank you for stopping by. The various cocoons emerged as I wrote my notes. SO instead of picking one I used them all.

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  12. "Within the austere cocoon
    unhindered by emotional barnacles
    it is easy to still the tongue"

    I like this particular cocoon! I really enjoy that you delve into the facets of many different cocoons!

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  13. Love how you take your reader inside the cocoon, displaying some of its many ways and purposes. We all live inside in some form or another, not always aware, but that too is one of the cocoon's functions. Thanks for the look "around."

    Elizabeth

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    1. Elizabeth- Now there is an idea I did not think about. The possibility of being unaware within the cocoon. Brilliant- thank you.

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  14. The metaphor of emotional barnacles is interesting and also the functions of cocoon as Elizabeth puts it.

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    1. Thank you Irene. The word barnacle gave me fits-I think emotional barnacles came out in frustration.

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  15. lovely effective and technically strong poem,well penned

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  16. Repeating the format of the first line intensifies the meaning all around. Thanks for visiting my blog.

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    1. Cheryl - thanks for stopping by.

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  17. I couldn't comment before as you hadn't left your URL for me to link back to and, it wasn't until i found a comment from you on another blog I was able to find you.
    This is a lovely write. I also really like the way you used cocoon in different contexts because that which protects us can also be our prison too. I guess.
    A lovely wordle :)

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    1. Daydreamertoo- thanks for letting me know about the link,I will look into that. Great to meet you - and thanks for the comments.

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  18. The repetition [I always love repetition] works well to enhance the twist of the ending. This is the line that surprised a sound from me: 'The first of many lines'.
    I haven't mentioned how much I enjoy your photograph. I automatically look right when I arrive at your blog and smile at you.

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    1. Hey Margo - I was very happy with that last line. So delighted you find my photo welcoming. I do love to be outdoors.

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Comments are welcome and appreciated, thanks so much for stopping by.